I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
