I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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