I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
