The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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