it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
