I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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