so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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