guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
