Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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