I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I want to make a zoo with you.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
