So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
