just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
