it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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