whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Ketchup is God's man juice
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
