just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
