tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize