I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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