This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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