I'm so fucking centered right now
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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