So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
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