LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
