so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize