I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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