I just saw a hot homeless man
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
