(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
