she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
vagina is talking i cant
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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