Jerry, you need to find god
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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