i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
