I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
