I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
