Can Purell be used as lube?
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize