birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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