Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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