It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
