3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
We're facebook friends in real life
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
