...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
