Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
