i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
