I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
