Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
