My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
