We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
where am i from again
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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