Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
