My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
