im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
