True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Operation Purity has been aborted
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
