Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
It's rum buckets o'clock
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
