Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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