so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
