so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
