I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
