Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
