Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
