Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
