I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
