i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
