Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
