dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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