I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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