True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
