His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
