it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize