Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
