Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
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