Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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