Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
