Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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