did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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