its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I faked an abortion last night.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
