There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
