I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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