I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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